Papua New Guinea

A six week adventure through the beautiful nation of Papua New Guinea... where to begin? I could probably write a book on everything that happened during my time in PNG but I will just do my best to share my heart on it all.

One of the main reasons I wanted to go to PNG was to allow God to give me his heart of this nation. YWAM Townsville is very involved with PNG and are planning to be helping them and continuing to go back 6 months at a time for the next 8-10 years and since I'm living here for a while I wanted to be apart of that!

From the moment that we arrived till the moment I left I felt at home and welcomed. I have never been to a place like this, where people have nothing yet they give you everything - it took my breath away. As I started to learn more about the Gulf Province of PNG I found out that with in the last 20 years everything has gone down hill and it has been almost "forgotten" but the rest of the country (not to mention the world). Most people have to travel days to see any kind of doctor because they are only in major cities, not in the hundreds of villages. There are not teachers or schools because they stopped being paid or the teachers would have to travel to Port Moresby which means that their pay check is gone before they even get to it. This also means that this coming generation is not only faced with the struggles of living in poverty but is left with out any kind of education. There is some light in the this the ones who have stuck it out (doctors teachers) have given everything they have and have given their lives to serve their nation. The common story from village to village was that one main village would have the school, and all the kids from surrounding villages would travel to this school for education (usually only up till grade 4 or 5). Now I'm not talking about a few kids but hundreds, one that I remember was 1 teacher and 300 students! Not even joking (I wish I was) he would split them up in to different class and just take turns in each room and then leave them to continue working while he made his rounds. Now I don't know about you but when I was in school the moment my teacher turned his head my mind was off in my own world! When we asked him why he did this he said If I don't then who will? He was carrying the weight of their future on his shoulder by himself... oh and not to mention he doesn't even get paid for any of his work. And that is just one story of so many people living unjustly and being treated like they don't matter, it kills me. A thought that crossed my mind often was Why am I the one helping and not the one being helped? I don't understand but what I do know is that God has given me something and I am going to give all I have to as many people as possible.

While we where there we would often sail to different locations around the Golf. An amazing aspect to the Gulf is that they have an incredible river system, most of them are miles wide which gave us the chance to sail far into the province. Every new location that we went to locals would paddle out in their dug out trees (that they made into canoes) and "check us out" I guess you could say, it would often look like this picture here on the left. I just cant say enough good things about these people, they are BEAUTIFUL! As soon as we set anchor we would be off to work. We had 3 different medical teams on the two outreaches I was apart of and 4 on the last outreach which were Dental, Primary Health Care (PHC), Optometry, Opthamology. The Dental team worked on board and patients would paddle to us or we would pick them up on our dingy, then PHC and optometry were land based and would set up pretty much anywhere they could, like schools, church, or old clinics. Let me tell you, these guys had long days in the most intense heat I have ever been in with hundreds of people needing to be seen.

One story that I will share is when the reality of the need really hit me and God really poured his heart out on me. We had just arrived in a new Village called Kartie and we were planning to spend the week there, I got the chance to go with the PHC team on one of the first days we got there to set up and start work. The village had known that we were coming so they had lots of people ready to be seen and other villages had come to see us, so needless to say it was full-on! Anyways we get there 9am and start right away, I was on the prayer team and also the "bubble doctor" aka distract the kids and try to make them happy. The first patient we got in the morning was a family that had paddled a full 24-28 hour journey from a village we left a few days earlier to come and see the doctor, because their 4 year old little girl had gotten very sick. To me the little girl looked lifeless, he father was holding her and she laid motionless in his arms. They knew very little english so it was a bit of a rough start but we finally found out that she had phenomena and malaria, the crazy part was that she had only started to get sick 5 days earlier and already she look this bad. The doctors were able to start an IV drip (on pretty much an old wooden poll) and it wasn't the easiest thing to be around with the little girl screaming from the pain, the father not knowing what to do, and us not fully being able to communicate any reaffirming assurance.

After that ordeal was over and everything was working as it should the family had to stay there all day (with the IV drip) this actually meant that the father had to sit on a bed without a matiress, in a room so out with no brease, holding his little girl. I did all i could, bring water, fan them, but there wasn't much to be done besides waiting. They sat there all day but it brings me great joy to tell you that by the middle of the afternoon the little girl started to look more alive! She would sit up on her own, eat a full piece of bread (well "sago" which is their kind of bread) and she even started laughing and smiling, it was beautiful. I wasn't able to go the next day but the told me that as soon as they got there in the morning the little girl ran up to them with such joy! Her life was saved, and I don't want to think about what would have happened if we were not there.

This ship is doing so much more then I ever expected, and God is opening doors that we could have never dreamed about. Free fuel (for a ship..30 thousand liters) and huge companies wanting to partner with us (not us bugging them) because they see the difference and impact we are making, those types of things don't just 'happen'. God is on the move and it is only the beginning of the race. There are so many stories and moments that I could share but I hope that out of this glimpse you are able to get a feel of some of the big things going on over here, and I am here because of your love and support, so you are just as much of all of this as I am. Thank you and here is a short little video around the ship I have talked so much about, hope you enjoy!

The Pacific Link!

I thought it would be good to give a clear overview of what the ship is doing and some of its history!

The ship was built in 1979 as a Japanese fishing training vessel, shortly after that a man in New Zealand bought the ship off of the Japanese and had a dream to make the ship into a training vessel but for scuba diving. He made lots of renovations on the boat, since it was built with a very basic fishing design, this included making a lounge, a dinning area, and simply making it more homey. A key point to all of this is that the ship its self is only 37 miters long and 7.3 miters wide (not that big) and we are able to have a maximum of 50 people on board, which is very rare considering how small the ship is, but because it was built as a training vessel since day one it was created with heaps more accommodation then regular ships! We are not sure of all the details but in the end the bank had to take the ship off of the kiwi man, wether it was more then he thought it was going to be or him ran out of money we aren't sure. This gave YWAM New Zealand a opportunity to buy the ship off of the bank in 2001 and from there they made the changes that need to be done to make it into the medical ship that it is today!

Since New Zealand has had the ship they have been doing medical outreaches to Fiji, Sonoma Island, and the Philippines offering free medical care. Just this year January 2010 YWAM New Zealand gave the ship to YWAM Australia ~ a pretty big deal.

Since January we have been doing a 16 port tour around Australia bringing awareness to people about the need in Papua New Guinea. Also the depression and suicide numbers with Aussie youth has continued to rise over the last 10 years, so we are also focused on calling the Aussie youth to be apart of something that is way bigger then themselves, helping them gain a sense of purpose through helping others. With the tour around Australia we have been open to the public for them to come aboard take a look at the clinic and some other places around the ship, and at the end we give them a chance to be apart of it with Tell Give Go. Tell 3 people you know, tell your doctor or dentist the next time you go, simply help us get the word out about the need in PNG. Give, we have been collecting old glasses and sunglasses, and new tooth brushes and tooth paste, also any financial support and since ever single person living onboard is a volunteer (actually pays to be onboard) ever cent donated goes straight into the running of this ship and medical supplies. And Go, anyone who is medical trained there are heaps of opportunities for you to be involved, but also we are looking for anyone with a heart to serve!

The heart of this ship is to bring life, our theme saying is I Want To Live. The reality that Papua New Guineans are living is horrendous, I mean on fact is that there is 30 dentists for the whole nations. If someone needs a pair of glasses it could easily mean catching a ferry to a many city (ferries only come every 3 months) so something as easy as going to the store for us could be a 6 month journey to get a pair of glasses, not to mention the cost of the traveling. so we are bring everything we can to them! Dentistry, ophthalmology, primary health care, and optometry will be the four areas that we are focusing on to begin with.

We have the Ship for the next 8 - 10 years and starting next year we are hoping to be in PNG for 6 months at a time, and the rest of the time it will be resting in Townsville. I think it is needless to say that this is a huge deal and I honestly cant even imagine what God is going to do with this, He has provided us with everything we have needed every step of the way!!

I am so excited, Here are some pictures on the ship and a video around the ship and also the video that thousands of people all around Australia and world wide have seen (our promo video!).

Enjoy!

not to worry

I would just like to point out how crazy it is that the first time (ever) moving out of home I move ACROSS the world – who does that? Anyway life down here is actually going really good, God is showing up in ways and opening doors for me that I could have never imagined!

Even though God is so good and so much is going on I was having a really hard time trusting him with my well... life! It was (still is) a really big deal, I mean come on my life is mine not someone else's, and it didn't really help that I had no idea what I was actually getting myself into. So without even trying I quickly became very overwhelmed, freaked out, stressed, and worried that nothing would ever work out! The stress of having to work everything out when I had no idea what I was doing (this is when being the baby doesn't help out!) I started trying to do everything on my own and figure everything out, while trying to plan out the rest of my life and thinking about what the point to all of this was! Not extreme at all :) But it just felt like everything was piling up all at once and I wasn't even able to breath, I didn't want to move because I thought it would fall apart. I didn't even realize until reading this amazing devotional but I full wasn't even allowing God into my stress and worry, not that I did that on purpose I just thought I was the one who had to do ~ why would I bother him. But then I read this;

"Do not fret - it only cause harm" Psalm 37:8

It is easy to say, "rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him" (37:3) until our little world is turned upside down and we are forced to live in confusion and agony like so many other people.

Resting in the Lord is not dependent on your external circumstance at all, but on your relationship with God himself.

Fretting rises from our determination to have our own way. Our Lord never worried and was never anxious, because His purpose was never to accomplish His own plans but to fulfill God's plans. Fretting is wickedness for a child of God

Set all your opinions and speculations aside and "abide under the shadow of the Almighty" (91:1). Deliberately tell God that you will not fret about whatever concerns you. All our fretting and worrying is caused by planning without God

My Utmost For His Highest

Oswald Chambers

This hit me SO hard but yet made perfect, beautiful sense. Of course God knows what he is doing, I forget so often how big he is and how much he loves me - He is IN LOVE with me! ME a 20 year old girl having nothing to offer but a willingness to do anything for his glorious Kingdom, I am so unworthy of even his attention... but then I read this;

"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble I will deliver him and honour him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."

Psalm 91:14-16

I love it! So powerful and such a beautiful way to show us how much he wants to be with us, and how he will truly do anything for us ~ for he acknowledges my name, says the Lord. When I was reading all this and realizing how much God loves me I had this huge reality check - Why would I be worrying about all the small details for the plan that God had spoken! It almost seemed crazy to think about worrying, but instead of feeling bad/ashamed of not trusting God and practically belittling him, God gave me this beautiful child like trust. I have this attitude now, where even with everything going on, it is simpy of course it will be okay my dad will take care of it and I am in love with that peace.

God is so good and he wants to take care of us - his children.

Life After...

Since being done the school (graduating at the top of the class!) I was able to go back on board a beautiful medical ship called the Pacific Link. Being apart of this ship has given me such refreshing outlook on life, I don't even know what it is about it but being in that kind of family and powerful situation does something to you.

Leaving the school I felt almost to overwhelmed to move at times. I had just been giving heaps of information over the last 5 and a half months and the reality of "what am I going to do with it" was standing right in font of me. I have changed so much during this school, in ways I don't fully understand but one of the biggest ways (I think) is God has changed how he wants me to look at life - my perspective. I was one who based a lot of what I did off of feelings and emotions, not a lot of solid foundation. Don't get me wrong emotion is a huge part to a relationship with God but people don't want to hear about what you feel about God, if we are going to fight this battle for the Kingdom of God what are we basing it on: a feeling or the truth of his word. So I guess graduating from the school I was left with a responsibility but I almost felt disconnected from my head to my heart - which is so hard. But God knew how much I was struggling and he put me back on the ship where it gave me so much for what I needed! Truly... friends, good God time, sharing about his word, serving, and simply relaxing - so good :)

So I guess needless to say I am in love with ship! I have actually been given a chance to go up to Papua New Guinea with the Medical Ship for about a month in August, helping out around the ship and then also doing different things on land - SO excited about this amazing opportunity.

For right now I am just trying to find supports and just get settled here in Australia, plant my roots and set up camp because this is my life.

He will cover you with his feathers

and under his wing you find refuge;

His faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

Psalm 91:4

Back from Outreach!

I am back!

Good old Townsville has not changed :)

I have to say that coming back home (my new home) is a bit odd, the questions are starting to arise like: Where will I fit in? What is my place? How do I now start planting my roots? It is all starting to getting a little overwhelming - I'm not fully letting myself go there yet.

The last two weeks of outreach were AMAZING! We got to work with our Medical Ship and I fell in love with ever part of it (not the seasick part though), so it has actually been hard coming back to a place where I am unsure of how I fit in after being in a place where I felt at home (the ship). It feels like I am meant to go back and work on the ship for at least a month before starting to staff here in Townsville. My thoughts before concerning the month of June (where I don't really have a lot to do) was just to mission build around the base, meaning just working where ever they needed help but I feel like God has a bigger plan for this month. I can't say enough good things about this little boat... well actually it's a ship but it is just so great! My hope right now is to possibly fly to Brisbane on saturday and meet up with the ship and sail with it until the beginning of July! So for right now that is what I hoping for :)

For now we are closing up the school... Graduation on friday! I guess we will just have to wait and see what God has in store.

A New Season

God calling me to stay in Australia continues to scare me/overwhelm me almost everyday. Many people have questioned me oh whether or not staying is right, and if I am a sure, but I guess because of that I can say that I am sure. God has called me into this season full of the unknown, overwhelming possibilities, and beautiful opportunities.

I have said this before but I feel like I should reiterate it, my plan for after YWAM this time around was to go home start to dig into the word a little more but pretty much live a comfortable life, and now it is staying in Australia. I’m not staying on staff with YWAM because I don’t know what else to do and it looks like heaps of fun. Every time I look at what I am stepping into it looks hard, scary and about a million years outside of my comfort zone. The only reason I am staying is because I know that it is God’s desire for me is to be here.

I will do my best to keep this short (a new theme I am working on) but I just want to share what I will be doing in Australia and the truly powerful opportunities that Reef to Outback (RTO) offers. They have just recently been given a medical ship, which is a huge deal, and the base is very focused on that at the moment because it has been doing an Australian tour bringing awareness about the social injustice and the need in Papua New Guinea. They will be heading off to PNG at the end of August for a couple months, going to some of the most remote areas and doing everything that we can (which is a lot actually) – I will put the link at the bottom of this page, I highly suggest watching it! There is a program called Youth Street, which is every Saturday from 1pm-10pm, and it is just honestly a safe environment for youth to hang out and be themselves. There are different teams and activates such as dance, art, skateboarding, ect – it is amazing to reach the youth of today. Also there is a Café that will be opening (hopefully sooner then later), it has just finished being built but it is beautiful and it is going to be an amazing opportunity to involve the community, and just be a sweet place to hang out and really reach out to people – I am very excited about this one :)

A huge part of RTO that I have have truly start to appreciate and love about the base, is how seriously they take all that God has given them. The base is pretty much ran like a business, which was hard for me to get use to but now seeing all the huge things God has given them it only makes sense! I am so excited to start to learn more about the base and just simply be more involved in it all :)

God is moving in some pretty huge ways here, so it is exciting to be apart of an amazing mission.

I Want To Livehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nJQpxZN4wo

YWAM Australia & PNG Ship Tour Promo Video

www.youtube.com

YWAM Australia & PNG Ship Tour Promo Video for more information please go to :http://www.ywamships.orgPO BOX 1959 Townsville, QLD 4810 Australia Phone: 07 4771 2123 Fax: 07 4771

Outreach

So outreach for the BCC is way different then the outreach for my DTS. Now I thought that things were going to be a bit different this time around, but I guess so many other things were going on before we left that I never really wrapped my head around it. The layout of our outreach looks like this: 2 weeks in Wollongong (just outside of Sydney) first week is preaching and teaching in schools, and the second week is an Amos seminar for the YWAM staff. The next 2 week will be in Newcastle (4 hours from Wollongong) which will be the same as the first two weeks-preaching and teaching in schools, then another Amos seminar. From there we will board the medical ship that I have talked about before in the post Life update (check out the link at the bottom). We are going to be able to sail with this ship for the last two weeks of outreach and really serve the ship in anyway that we can. We will be on the PR team (Public Relations) which means we will be give tours of the ship and sharing out heart (YWAM Australia) behind this ship which is, being life to PNG ('I want to live'). This is going to be such an amazing time to get involved in this ministry. Please watch the link (its just a short video clip) because it explains what it will be doing.

So far outreach has already been very challenging, mostly because I feel 100% outside of my comfort zone. We have only taught a few times and honestly they went fairly well (which is encouraging) I think a lot of the time I get overwhelmed when I think about teaching the bible - with good reason! God is definitely teaching me so much more then I understand right now. I feel like he is just asking me to continue walking even though I don't feel him, I'm outside of my comfort zone, and it's all hard work - but to still know, love, believe, and trust that he is God. He is asking me if I will keep going when its rough, but to be able to fully say yes I have to go through it. It truly is good though because I know that God is going to break out through me and in me ~ which is beautiful even at the thought of it. God is good and he is big, the whole point of learning more about him is to know but then to Proclaim! What is the point if it is only ever head knowledge, because you will save no one if you puff up with your own pride of "how much you know". God has made it clear for us to GO and make disciples of all nations - so it is exciting to be moving in that direction.

I think a lot will come from this outreach, and it will be cool to see how powerful it will be by simply using the word of the Lord. It is the tool he left/gave to us!

Deeper!

We had the amazing chance to work with the youth camp called "deeper" for the first week of our outreach.

Honestly going into this week I was not very excited, I think it was a bit of a spiritual attack but also I think I just felt the weight of the week. We were going to be speaking on Mark, and the whole point of the week was to go deeper with God, so I just wanted to give it all I had but I didn't feel good enough at all.

This all changed right away - it was truly one of the best weeks I have had since being here! So fun, we had some of the best kids come out (some also very challenging) but we had a ton of time to hang out and get to know these kids! Each day had epic activities like mud slides (more like a long plastic slide), horse riding, and a few other ones like waterfall adventures. Those were all great but also everyday the BCC (my little school) had the chance to speak everyday which was really good, and I believe that it brought some pretty big break through which is always amazing.

Our cabins only had three girls in each (the camp all together only had 14 kids) so I was able to build some amazing relationships with the girls in my cabin but also all the kids because it was so small. Man it was just such an amazing time, I honestly miss it so much!

We laid out the camp in away that the speaking/God side to it was a build up, for the last night where we give time letters that their family and friends write them to encourage them and build them up - so amazing to see! It is a beautiful sight to be able to see God moving and working in the lives of the youth.

Even though I came back beyond tired and with a cold it was really refreshing being in creation and see God work. I will add pictures so that you can see where we were, it was so flipping beautiful :)

Last week of Lectures ~ Mark

First of all AS IF it is the last week! I can't even wrap my mind around that it went so fast, but nevertheless it was amazing.

So yes we got to study the book of Mark on our last week and let me just tell you how it was laid out; the weekend we ended on was easter (including a passover meal - amazing), the youth camp we were speaking at the next week had planned on speaking on Mark, AND flipping the whole point of the gospels is about proclaiming Jesus the Son of God! So it was almost like we were being sent off on the note of following Jesus - our application this week wasn't just something to hand in but it was going to be the next step we were going to be taking.

Mark's Gospel really does give us so many examples on how to live a Godly life, even if we just simply life by the key verse-we are here to serve not to be served! Also by remembering how much Jesus put up with, we mostly just think about the cross (which is massive-yes) but also the faithless and persecution of just everyone around him, even his disciples. Jesus had to put up and go through a lot, more then I will ever realize or ever face in my life.

Who am I to sit here and say that I have bigger problems then Jesus, and because of that I am not able to live a Godly life or even try to life out the call God is giving me. I can't even try to use that as an excuse because as we able to see in this gospel, Jesus - the mighty sufferer, is showing us the way and leaving us tangible foot prints to follow to the way everlasting.

The beautiful thing about his teachings on the Kingdom of God is how little we actually have to do to make something happen. A willing heart and God will be able to change anything. Giving him that chance, is where and how even come into play, it is not by our works but it is what we give God to work with. It is time to step out with the authority that God has given me and the Righteousness that has come through Christ, and to GO proclaim the good news! It is now time to pick up my cross and follow Jesus, and I love that the impact on my life from that saying is more then I even understand.

Also the impact of his parables with The Kingdom of God - pretty much the best things of my life! God has made HIS Kingdom something that WE as humans are able to access - do we even understand the hugeness of that? I don't think we do because honestly even after the last three months I still hardly understand the greatness of that. But what I love about God is that he doesn't care that we can't understand it, he knows how little our brains and imaginations are - yet he still gives us things all the time that are so beyond us, we aren't even able to give him the right reaction. He will continue to give whether I give him enough back or not. That's almost way laying down my life is yes a "big deal" but not really when you look at everything he has done for me since the beginning of time (He is still the same God). To give God my life is a big deal to me because it is all I have to give in full, but when I look at how big God is and all that he has done all of a sudden my life doesn't seem big enough to give him for my thankfulness. The beautiful truth of God is that he doesn't look at the size or amount we give but he looks at what it means for us to give it and our heart behind it. So I am okay that my life isn't anything out of the ordinary because it is my heart that is willing to be changed into anything that he wants it to be. Jesus did way more then we will ever be faced with but the simplicity of his heart is that he loved his father enough to die and give us eternal life - NOW that is an act of love I don't deserve, but I have gotten it anyways.

How am I now going to respect what Jesus did (in all the ways he lived and suffered by) in my life today? I am going to give him the only thing I will have forever - my life.

Jeremiah

Week of Jeremiah

Coming into this week was a bit overwhelming for a few reasons, first considering the week of Esther that I was just getting out of, and second the book is flipping huge - but honestly I knew that God was up to something huge.

We were able to get an amazing speaker who’s name is Ron Smith he is actually the man who started SBS (School of Biblical Study 9 month). So to say the least we were honoured to have as our speaker for two days. I think it is safe to say that Jeremiah could be my favourite book that I studied because of the relationship that God has with Jeremiah and the Heart of God that comes through this book – it is beautiful. Out of everything the first chapter in the book is AMAZING (look it up after you have read this!) but it just talks about how God is going to use Jeremiah in ways WAY bigger then him and that he has had this plan over his life from the very beginning it has just come to the moment for Jeremiah to choose it. I wont get into the context of the book but it is such a beautiful journey that God takes him on. Of course it is hard, who ever said that living God’s will was going to be easy? It should never be easy. I love the realness of this story and the obedience of Jeremiah; he just lays it out so clearly with how we should be living if we are living for God -> obey what he says NO matter what.

Okay so pretty much the big news that God spoke to me this weeks has something to do with me staying Australia. Now I feel like I need to say something… I’m not just staying on staff because there is nothing else for me to do and that this is an easy out for me to just “hang out” the only reason I am staying is because God has called me to (just need to get that out there). Anyways early on in the week the base director had talked to me about this café that is being built and his dream/vision about it, which was really good and put a heavy thought of staying to staff on my mind. That same day Jonathan (my school leader) and I had a talk about (what I thought) my life J, which I guess in a sense, is true but just not what I was expecting. He ended up asking me to stay on staff with the BCC bringing in my strength in interpretation and application of scripture; this also includes a two-year commitment – crazy. Honestly I was not okay with the thought of this at first but the more is started seeking God in the matter I started realizing that I had a lot of fear in trusting God with something so huge. But that is where the beauty of the book of Jeremiah came in; God spoke in such a huge clear way – living a life set apart and obeying the voice of God, even if it feels to big or crazy. God has spoken so much to me through Jeremiah because even with how young he was and how God doesn’t see that as a hindrance. I mean it has always been hard for me being the youngest in my family, I have loved it but I have also felt the aspect of not overly taken seriously or sometimes heard loudly because I am the baby in everyone’s mind – which is totally fine, I guess at times when a big challenge is placed in front of me my thought/mind goes to not being good enough because I am too young. But honestly when it says “But the Lord said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am only a child.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you.” Jer 1:7 and then in v19 “They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you.” BAH so flipping encouraging and beautiful – why would we NOT what to serve and do what ever God is saying. I don’t understand why we get so caught up on our own selfish wants and fully lose the sight of God’s will in our lives. I like to think about God’s call in this way; he has this amazing plan A that he has been working on and perfecting forever and certain moments in our lives he faces us with the choice to follow his plan or our own. But the fact is when we pick ours over his that changes God’s perfect plan from pretty much plan A to now plan B because we didn’t follow him. I want to live God’s plan A in my life, even looking back through out the Old Testament all we see is people turning their backs on God while he cries out to them to turn back to him! Oh my gosh it hurts my heart still as I think back on it, why do we put him through so much. I’m not saying that I am ultra Christian but some how, anyway that I can I want to give God “a break” to try my hardest to let my life not be another life that turns away from him always making him run after me. My whole desire in life is to serve God with not half of my heart but with my whole life, I am not going to give the minimum one-tenth of my life that he is asking for but I will give it all to him, and if that means stay in Australia when I would way rather run away from it then staying it is.

He has called us to be Holy - set apart and with that comes fear of the Lord which is so simple put love what God love and hate what God hate. I am overwhelmed with what God is doing in my life and sometimes I'm scared to even move but he keeps reminding me (at least trying to - I might not always listen) that as long as I have my eyes focused on him I will be okay.

The life changing week of Esther

So I am unsure how to begin sharing about what God has spoken to me and given me through studying this book - could be a bit of a long blog (just keep reading its worth it)...

My teacher Jonathan on day during worship prayed for me and kept getting the word Esther, and how she (and all the other girls) went through that 12 months of beauty treatment preparing to see the king and how it was build up to see him. So what he was getting at was that the first few weeks of this bible corse was my "beauty treatment" (aka. getting my heart prepared) to receive what God had in store for me. Now I didn't know what that really meant or how to apply it to my life / relationship with God, I have been having a really hard time finding that intimate relationship with God ever since this school started. I am able to get really amazing revelations from each book that we study and I felt myself getting closer to God's heart every week but still throughout the weeks I felt something lacking or at least that is what I though it was. In the back of my mind I knew that something big was going to happen in Esther week, I just really felt like God was going to show up... he did.

So I am just going to go for it with trying to explain what God did, this is a really big deal for me and it is my heart that sharing but I feel that it is important to tell you because it plays a big part into what God has called me into which I will explain more in the next blog about Jeremiah.

Our speaker for the week was an amazing staff member named Helen, she started off talking a bit about her life and how God has moved. The point that she was trying to make really clear through her life is that God is the author of our lives, that he is the one orchestrating how situations can play out. She talked about how her parents met and that it was more then a coincidence, she talked also about how both of her parents have passed away and she went into a bit of detail about being able to talk to her dad while he was on his death bed which of course lead me to think about "what if I was able to talk to my dad before he died" and I started to feel myself getting upset so I tried to put up the wall against it (as I do when it gets to hard) but it wasn't working this time, so I just got angry and bitter. I went through the rest of the day bitter and frustrated and right after lunch I was able to talk to my my cousin Kayla (she just saves my life here and there!) and as we talked I started to see slash understand that a) I was upset about my dad b) a lot was going on, which tends to get overwhelming. We talked about everything that I was feeling (dad and school) and I left the conversation feeling good (watched a little dane cook and it was all better!!). Then feeling like I could get through the day my teacher went through a test that I wrote the week before and I did worse then I thought (not bad just not as good as I thought) but honestly after that it pushed my over the edge again, realizing that I was good at nothing - I could hardly make it out of the class room before I broke down and cried (the "can't breath" kind of crying) so I took off the the prayer room and it felt like I couldn't even keep myself together, I was so mad at God for bringing this up but so broken at the same time. The only thought that was truly going through my mind was this is so inappropriate and I just couldn't understand why God was bringing up my dad in such a intense way.

I have this routine with this situation in my life (my dad stuff), I get upset break down, allow God in and talk it out with him for a bit but then kind of just get over it and move on. There are times that it is more powerful then others, but honestly I try not to go there too often because it is to hard. However God was taking it to a whole new level this time, asking me to go into detail about why I was so upset. I wasn't understanding why he was doing this, I mean of course I'm upset my dad died and I will never have an earthly father (not that it has ever felt like I had had one, cause I was so young), yet God kept pushing asking me what I was upset about. As I started to think about that I started to realize why it is so hard for me, I have know idea who my father as the man Bradley was, I know nothing about his character. As I am getting more upset God is saying ask me - what do you want to know? So I just started writing anything I could think of, I could tell you all about my mom the details of who she is on many different levels (of course she is my mom!) but I have nothing that I could tell you about my dad, and that kills me. So I just wrote every question about him that I had down and ended up with a page (each line full) of questions ranging from; how did he take is coffee? To how did he find the strength to say good-bye to his wife and kids telling his ten year old son that he was going to be the man of the family and still love you?

I sat there with this piece of paper with the questions of the details of my dads character, I knew that God wasn't done with me yet but I wasn't sure what to do so I went on with my day (at least I tried) but it was like I was still sitting in what God was doing and in what had just happened. Going into the next day (tuesday!) our speaker got us to write down the moments in our lives where God was orchestrating it, this is how it went for me (the revelation God gave me); my dad and mom get married and move to Calgary from Ontario only because my dad was the one who needed work ~ the reason the moved across the country = dad. In Calgary the pull up to a set of red lights looking over the city and my dad sees the beauty it and decides that is where he wants to live ~ place where we lived = dad. My dad builds our house and meets the man who lives across the street and he ends up bring my dad to the Lord who then lead my mom the Lord (which then we were all born into it) ~ the way God was lead into our lives = dad. The impact of my dads death on my family is huge, we have been able to see God provide for all of us, but in my life it has truly made me who I am today ~ my relationship with God = dad. I was never able to see the reason or how God was going to "use" this in my life/at all, but this all of a sudden put in together in a away that I had never seen before. The purpose of my dads life in the Kingdom of God was fulfilled in the lives of his family, for me (the only account i am able to speak on) the impact of my dad has yes made me into the person I am today, but even more then that it has shaped me into the woman of God that I am becoming. I don't think I am truly able to explain the sensitivity of my heart towards my heart and even God, I am passionate, loving, caring, excited about life, and many other heart lead things but this all leads out of a heart that has been broken and mended back together through the love of Christ.

As God started pointing out certain characteristics in me but mostly in my relationship with him, long story short he said When I see you and your heart towards me, I see your fathers heart pretty much meaning that my relationship with God coincides with my dads relationship with him when he was alive. I use to get so mad at God all the time when I was younger, all I wanted was a moment with my dad, it didn't matter in a dream or whatever else that is what I longed for as child. I would go to bed thinking so hard about my dad just hoping that if I thought about him before I went to bed I might just dream about him - it never happened. I would get more angry with God because he left me with nothing to hold when missing my dad got to much, everyone else at least had more then 5 memories (lasting only a second each, and 3 or which are when he was dying) I would tell God that it just wasn't good enough - I needed more. Well he gave me more, he has brought my dad and I back together under the call of his Kingdom, God had this huge plan for my dad if there was no sickness but since that is what happened my dad was only able to take his call (in living for God/his kingdom) so far. That is where I am able to come in, because my relationship with God is so much like my fathers relationship it is now like I can pick up where he left off - not in a physical way but in a spiritual way, in serving the Kingdom. My dad would have been someone relatable and easy to talk with, he was a carpenter-he was simple and real but most importantly in love with God. That is what I want out of my life, so I am honored and overwhelmed at the opportunity to step out into this calling and I will give it the respect that both God and now also my father deserves .

I know that this was long and I'm not sure if my heart has been able to come across the way I want it to, it is just such a hard topic/story to explain over writing. But pretty much Esther was a huge week for me and little did I know that God was only getting started....

A life update

So pretty much I still need to share the last two weeks which were probably the most life changing weeks. We studied the book of Esther and Jeremiah, kind of turned my wold upside down and God spoke into some pretty intense areas of my life. This included my character/identity, which actually lead into him showing me / calling me into the next season of my life... I'll give you a hint - it has to do with the bible! So needless to say my life has been an amazing, crazy, and draining ride the past few weeks. I really want to honor God with what he is doing so I am first of all praying about how I should write about it to not make light of anything, and it's just a big deal to me so my heart needs to be fully in it as I write:)

I am in the midst of my last week of lectures studying the book of Mark and getting ready to go on outreach!

For outreach we will be going to a youth camp called "Deeper" that is apart of the program here at the base called 'youth street'. It is a chance for some of the kids (I believe there is 14 coming) to go "deeper" with God. We are going to be the teachers for the week, teaching on the book of Mark - perfect timing, and we leave for this next wednesday. After that we will come back for a week of lectures on Teaching and Preaching then fly out to Sydney on the 17th of April. From there we are going to Wollongong, which is just outside of Sydney and we will stay there for two weeks teaching and preaching the bible! From there we are going to Newcastle (up the coast) to a YWAM base and I think mostly teaching in schools and to youth, we will be there for another two weeks. Now from there we have the AMAZING opportunity to set sail on this medical ship that God has been doing so much with through and with my base. We will get to work with the ship for two weeks serving and doing Public Relations, it is going to be so amazing to be apart of this! (I will put the link at the bottom of this) Please watch it, it is actually an amazing opportunity for God to really move - through out Australia and Paupa New Guinea!! So that is the plan for outreach, it is going to be amazing and I am so ready to start applying and sharing all of what God has enlightened me with.

His heart is huge and it needs be proclaimed!

I am still in need of some last minute funds (not as much as I thought) but still some, please email me if you would like to support and also with prayer I would love to start a small email or some kind of group to keep everyone up to date with what's going on and also my prayer requests. If God is putting anything on your heart please don't hesitate to get in touch even if you want to know more about the ship or the base or even me. I'm really excited about what God is doing and I am taking it all very seriously.

Thats all for now!

Cheers

I Want To Live http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-nJQpxZN4wo

YWAM Australia & PNG Ship Tour Promo Video

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YWAM Australia & PNG Ship Tour Promo Video for more information please go to : http://www.ywamships.org PO BOX 1959 Townsville, QLD 4810 Australia Phone: 07 4771 2123 Fax: 07 4771

Oh the book of Amos

So I must say going into this book was great because it only had 9 chapters - a huge break after Kings!

To be honest with this week I had a really hard time getting my head back into the game after the week before, and just all my insecurities that hit me really hard. This was also my first time ever looking at prophetic literature (which might I add is amazing!) so it was a little bit overwhelming - but man did God hit me this.

Studying Amos I think opened a lot of doors in my mind and in my relationship with God. It took me a long time to really be able grasp what God was trying to say through this book, and honestly when I did it felt like another piece of the puzzle fell into place.

Yes, it would be so easy to read this book and only see God's wrath and anger but to start and wondered where that is stemmed from leads to some intense insight. The more I started looking into the book and the more teachings we got on it, God's heart pretty much exploded in front of me. His crying out in desperation to his people who have walked away and turned their heads away from him, the agony of God's hearts is so powerful because he is pretty much handing his heart to them and they don't even acknowledge him. It makes me think of how I would feel calling out and crying out to someone that I loved with everything I had, and seeing them running in the direction of death and ignoring all the acts I try to do to get their attention - that would kill me.

The more I get into God's word the more I'm not only seeing more of his character, but starting to actually feel his heart and the more I start to realize that I'm not worthy to know it. You know when someone tells you something, whether it be information that you feel is over your head or someone confiding in you, either way the question of "why are they telling me this?" comes up. At times that is how I feel about the bible and the stories that God has chosen to tell us, the rawness of his heart is displayed in every book. The amazing part to all of this is that I'm not worthy to know it just like I'm not worthy of his love but yet in the end he gives it to me anyways. God is pulling his weight and more in our relationship… my part is how I respond.

You are God and I am a man

and I cant wrap my mind around you or begin to understand you

You are big and I am small

yet through surrender I can see you-just a glimpse but thats enough for me

When I'm hopeless

When I'm faithless

When I'm helpless

You still here, your still here

cause in this darkness, in this silence

You are beside me, you remind me that I'm not alone

(Joel Limpic - Find Me Here)

the week I though I was going to die...

1&2 Kings - oh dang!

So as I'm sure a few of you all know, I'm not the best at the academic side of things! Pretty much that was the whole week of Kings - amazing, but I did not think I was going to get through it.

My strength in this bible course is interpretation and applying the scripture to my life, which is amazing and I think I'm learning just how big of deal it really is. The thing to that is it comes after all the work of studying to know the history and the foundation of the book, and I am starting to fall way more in love with wanting to know what is going on in the history of the books BUT it is still a stretch for me.

In all the weeks so far I start out by seeing the craziness of the week and the work load but because I am able to interpretation and get a ton out of the scripture I am can break through and just enjoy life with everything. That didn't overly happen with this week. The historical context and facts about Kings is so important to understand because it is pretty much the timeline of so much of the Old Testament, so the whole week I just felt like it was all over my head. To be honest it really sucked, everyday getting up and knowing that I knew nothing, I don't think I have ever felt more stupid in class and just in life because I just wasn't getting anything. On top of everything I really felt God trying to get through to me, I felt him bringing up my identity a lot throughout the week. Realizing in a very big way that I have no idea who I actually am, that just as much as these books are written to the people of God showing them who God is and what he can/will be like if they let him in to their lives and just turn back to him and start obeying his will in their lives - thats what God is trying to show me as well. I think sometimes it is really easy to see books in the bible like 1 & 2 Kings that they don't really relate to us today, that its just this crazy story but it's not.

It took me till the last half an hour before the week was over at 5 O'clock on saturday to see that God wants me and has been crying out to me, to follow his will in my life and allow him to be the King of my heart. God makes it as clear as black and white in the books of Kings that God is always going to be Faithful to his people and that we have a choice to follow his command or to not. He has even gone into detail about what is going to happen when we choose him and when we don't, he has laid it out in such a simple way for us to understand.

Yes, this week was SO hard and I didn't think I was going to get through but I did and the gold that God gave me at the end was more then I could have asked for, it still blows me away to see the works of God in my life. He is so beautiful - it is you God who is faithful.

I'm done with living with the thought of what would have been because that will never happen but I am willing to start to live with what can happen when I choose the way of my father. I can trust in the truth of God's grace, knowing that it will be a long battle against the flesh but it is what he was called me to be apart of. The battle of his Kingdom and doing it the way HE wants too... listen to my voice my child and you will hear it.

I want to be compared to King David in this, I am going to strive after the heart of my creator and lover of my soul. Everything I have is for the will of God...

Once again 'Here I am'

Let the battle begin...

REVELATION!

That is pretty much how I felt going into this week - so flipping scared! Thank goodness for Shauna and the chance we got to speak to each other Monday morning before I started the week (helped soooo much!).

I wish everyone could have a week of studying the book of Revelation – it is SO beautiful! Yes, God did some pretty huge things including making me not so scared of the beauty of his word. Like do we actually realize that this book is the greatest gift ever? It is the most epic, beautiful, and descriptive story of the gospel… there is no new information in this book. All the scary end times’ stuff is the same thing Jesus tells us in the gospel books, and we don’t seem to freak out and come up with these crazzzy theories. I guess it is important to remember not to take the imagery and numbers literally because they all have greater meanings to the Jews (who were the original readers) and it paints such a beautiful picture once we know what each picture and number means! So pretty much my mind was blown out of the water from the moment when we started, day one all the way till the end! We just got heaps and heaps of information and it was the most amazing thing of my life. I love that I'm starting to see that if I just give the bible a chance to speak to me first before I give up on it or before I lay my own judgments on it, it has SO much more to say and a way better way of saying it:)

It hard being in this school sometimes, because every second of everyday we are learning how amazing and huge God is(odd I know). Yes, it is also amazing but I was (and am) getting to a place with seeing how undeserving I am of him, its like before I never really understood the depth of the gospel/God's heart for me - not the candy coated version but the raw honest TRUTH of God in this world and in my life. It is undeniable and beautiful, I am falling in love with God in a whole new way because I am starting to see the very basic small details of what he has done for me and I am going to choose him NOT because of what people have told me but because I am in love with him and he is in love with me.

God is doing a lot right now in me and around me, which makes sense because I am being willing to open the doors for him to explain and reveal HIS truth to HIS word!

A week of creation in creation!

For the week of Genesis we were able to join the DTS for a week of camping! Now if I am being honest I was not very excited at the thought of having to do homework with no quiet (cool) place to work in and having to be dirty living in a tent. The funny thing is, is that by the time it was time to leave I had never been so ready to get out of base and out of Townsville (Romans was a bit rough on me).

So overall camping was really good, it gave me a real chance to get to know the DTS group (they were going through a pretty live changing week) and being out in the middle of the Australian bush gave me a chance to breath.

Going into this week it felt like I was at a really weird place with God, it was getting really hard to find “real” time to be with God. A huge part of me really thought that as soon as I was back into YWAM my relationship with God would get back to normal in snap of a finger – yeah, that didn’t happen. I definitely felt like I was hitting a wall, which was actually really hard after learning so much about what God has done for me and all the truth that I was learning. But I would say that God showed up, not with a big show but with his simple beauty.

Probably one of the best weeks ever, I definitely wasn't saying that while was there but honestly it was just one of those moments in your life that don't come around often!

The hardest part about it all was that the week before with Romans was very challenging on a spiritual level and I was having a hard time depending or even focusing on my relationship with God. It didn't help my attitude that the first day we got there I had heaps of homework to finish from Romans and then the following day we had to read through all of Genesis.... 4 and half hours - dang! Honestly though the moment we started getting into the work, learning context, history, all that jazz God started to really show up in my view frame.

Genesis has changed so much in me, I have never actually wanted to know anything about that book or the other 4 that go along side of it but honestly I cant even begin to explain how beautiful God is how much he met me in that time. With the Old Testament there is so much background you need to know to get the full impact of the word, and that is something that I have a really hard time doing (getting all the details).

The biggest thing that I have taken away from this week I would say is the simplicity of God's never changing, never dying love for me. He started to speak to me in away that I often don't let him talk to me - while I'm just "being" I had nothing to bring to him, nothing to offer but God saw that and he said "just BE" it is so simple yet so hard to do. I always think of how much I need to do for God, or that I need to me in a good, happy, holy place to be able to go to God, and that is SO not true, seeing the leaders that God picked in the most crucial time (the start of everything) choosing someone like Jacob to me named Israel the father of God's people, makes me believe and take confidence that God is able to pick me if I'm willing to obey. Such a beautiful picture. I am going to add my Final application on the bottom on this because it is really a God inspired application and I just feel like it shows where I'm at with the beauty of the Lord.

It’s hard for me to picture how God sees me.

To imagine his heart towards me.

But it is even harder to fathom that I am the center of Gods eye, that he has created everything in this earth so that I would have a way to be close with him.

Feeling the wind on my face, rain on my arms, the grass between my feet - its all him.

To look out and see his power through the mountains and his small beautiful detail in every flower.

I stand in awe at the works of his hands but do I understand that he stands in awe of me.

He loves what he has made and sees it as good, but he is in love with me.

Yes he loves seeing his creation, but only because I am standing in the midst of it. That my love towards him is what he longs for, to be a part of this life that he has given me.

The book Genesis is so much more then stating creating, it is drawing this beautiful picture of God. Through ever story, every man/leader, and every situation God is showing himself to us.

Giving us examples of how he can be in our lives if we only let him.

Lets give him that space in our life to move and to dance and to bring glory to his Kingdom....

God you have opened up my eyes to see your face,

you have opened my ears to hear your voice,

you have awakened my mouth to taste your beauty,

and you have opened up my heart to feel the vastness of your heart.

My Lord, My God, father to everything I know - Here I am.