So as I'm sure a few of you all know, I'm not the best at the academic side of things! Pretty much that was the whole week of Kings - amazing, but I did not think I was going to get through it.
My strength in this bible course is interpretation and applying the scripture to my life, which is amazing and I think I'm learning just how big of deal it really is. The thing to that is it comes after all the work of studying to know the history and the foundation of the book, and I am starting to fall way more in love with wanting to know what is going on in the history of the books BUT it is still a stretch for me.
In all the weeks so far I start out by seeing the craziness of the week and the work load but because I am able to interpretation and get a ton out of the scripture I am can break through and just enjoy life with everything. That didn't overly happen with this week. The historical context and facts about Kings is so important to understand because it is pretty much the timeline of so much of the Old Testament, so the whole week I just felt like it was all over my head. To be honest it really sucked, everyday getting up and knowing that I knew nothing, I don't think I have ever felt more stupid in class and just in life because I just wasn't getting anything. On top of everything I really felt God trying to get through to me, I felt him bringing up my identity a lot throughout the week. Realizing in a very big way that I have no idea who I actually am, that just as much as these books are written to the people of God showing them who God is and what he can/will be like if they let him in to their lives and just turn back to him and start obeying his will in their lives - thats what God is trying to show me as well. I think sometimes it is really easy to see books in the bible like 1 & 2 Kings that they don't really relate to us today, that its just this crazy story but it's not.
It took me till the last half an hour before the week was over at 5 O'clock on saturday to see that God wants me and has been crying out to me, to follow his will in my life and allow him to be the King of my heart. God makes it as clear as black and white in the books of Kings that God is always going to be Faithful to his people and that we have a choice to follow his command or to not. He has even gone into detail about what is going to happen when we choose him and when we don't, he has laid it out in such a simple way for us to understand.
Yes, this week was SO hard and I didn't think I was going to get through but I did and the gold that God gave me at the end was more then I could have asked for, it still blows me away to see the works of God in my life. He is so beautiful - it is you God who is faithful.
I'm done with living with the thought of what would have been because that will never happen but I am willing to start to live with what can happen when I choose the way of my father. I can trust in the truth of God's grace, knowing that it will be a long battle against the flesh but it is what he was called me to be apart of. The battle of his Kingdom and doing it the way HE wants too... listen to my voice my child and you will hear it.
I want to be compared to King David in this, I am going to strive after the heart of my creator and lover of my soul. Everything I have is for the will of God...
Once again 'Here I am'
Let the battle begin...
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