Outreach

So outreach for the BCC is way different then the outreach for my DTS. Now I thought that things were going to be a bit different this time around, but I guess so many other things were going on before we left that I never really wrapped my head around it. The layout of our outreach looks like this: 2 weeks in Wollongong (just outside of Sydney) first week is preaching and teaching in schools, and the second week is an Amos seminar for the YWAM staff. The next 2 week will be in Newcastle (4 hours from Wollongong) which will be the same as the first two weeks-preaching and teaching in schools, then another Amos seminar. From there we will board the medical ship that I have talked about before in the post Life update (check out the link at the bottom). We are going to be able to sail with this ship for the last two weeks of outreach and really serve the ship in anyway that we can. We will be on the PR team (Public Relations) which means we will be give tours of the ship and sharing out heart (YWAM Australia) behind this ship which is, being life to PNG ('I want to live'). This is going to be such an amazing time to get involved in this ministry. Please watch the link (its just a short video clip) because it explains what it will be doing.

So far outreach has already been very challenging, mostly because I feel 100% outside of my comfort zone. We have only taught a few times and honestly they went fairly well (which is encouraging) I think a lot of the time I get overwhelmed when I think about teaching the bible - with good reason! God is definitely teaching me so much more then I understand right now. I feel like he is just asking me to continue walking even though I don't feel him, I'm outside of my comfort zone, and it's all hard work - but to still know, love, believe, and trust that he is God. He is asking me if I will keep going when its rough, but to be able to fully say yes I have to go through it. It truly is good though because I know that God is going to break out through me and in me ~ which is beautiful even at the thought of it. God is good and he is big, the whole point of learning more about him is to know but then to Proclaim! What is the point if it is only ever head knowledge, because you will save no one if you puff up with your own pride of "how much you know". God has made it clear for us to GO and make disciples of all nations - so it is exciting to be moving in that direction.

I think a lot will come from this outreach, and it will be cool to see how powerful it will be by simply using the word of the Lord. It is the tool he left/gave to us!

Deeper!

We had the amazing chance to work with the youth camp called "deeper" for the first week of our outreach.

Honestly going into this week I was not very excited, I think it was a bit of a spiritual attack but also I think I just felt the weight of the week. We were going to be speaking on Mark, and the whole point of the week was to go deeper with God, so I just wanted to give it all I had but I didn't feel good enough at all.

This all changed right away - it was truly one of the best weeks I have had since being here! So fun, we had some of the best kids come out (some also very challenging) but we had a ton of time to hang out and get to know these kids! Each day had epic activities like mud slides (more like a long plastic slide), horse riding, and a few other ones like waterfall adventures. Those were all great but also everyday the BCC (my little school) had the chance to speak everyday which was really good, and I believe that it brought some pretty big break through which is always amazing.

Our cabins only had three girls in each (the camp all together only had 14 kids) so I was able to build some amazing relationships with the girls in my cabin but also all the kids because it was so small. Man it was just such an amazing time, I honestly miss it so much!

We laid out the camp in away that the speaking/God side to it was a build up, for the last night where we give time letters that their family and friends write them to encourage them and build them up - so amazing to see! It is a beautiful sight to be able to see God moving and working in the lives of the youth.

Even though I came back beyond tired and with a cold it was really refreshing being in creation and see God work. I will add pictures so that you can see where we were, it was so flipping beautiful :)

Last week of Lectures ~ Mark

First of all AS IF it is the last week! I can't even wrap my mind around that it went so fast, but nevertheless it was amazing.

So yes we got to study the book of Mark on our last week and let me just tell you how it was laid out; the weekend we ended on was easter (including a passover meal - amazing), the youth camp we were speaking at the next week had planned on speaking on Mark, AND flipping the whole point of the gospels is about proclaiming Jesus the Son of God! So it was almost like we were being sent off on the note of following Jesus - our application this week wasn't just something to hand in but it was going to be the next step we were going to be taking.

Mark's Gospel really does give us so many examples on how to live a Godly life, even if we just simply life by the key verse-we are here to serve not to be served! Also by remembering how much Jesus put up with, we mostly just think about the cross (which is massive-yes) but also the faithless and persecution of just everyone around him, even his disciples. Jesus had to put up and go through a lot, more then I will ever realize or ever face in my life.

Who am I to sit here and say that I have bigger problems then Jesus, and because of that I am not able to live a Godly life or even try to life out the call God is giving me. I can't even try to use that as an excuse because as we able to see in this gospel, Jesus - the mighty sufferer, is showing us the way and leaving us tangible foot prints to follow to the way everlasting.

The beautiful thing about his teachings on the Kingdom of God is how little we actually have to do to make something happen. A willing heart and God will be able to change anything. Giving him that chance, is where and how even come into play, it is not by our works but it is what we give God to work with. It is time to step out with the authority that God has given me and the Righteousness that has come through Christ, and to GO proclaim the good news! It is now time to pick up my cross and follow Jesus, and I love that the impact on my life from that saying is more then I even understand.

Also the impact of his parables with The Kingdom of God - pretty much the best things of my life! God has made HIS Kingdom something that WE as humans are able to access - do we even understand the hugeness of that? I don't think we do because honestly even after the last three months I still hardly understand the greatness of that. But what I love about God is that he doesn't care that we can't understand it, he knows how little our brains and imaginations are - yet he still gives us things all the time that are so beyond us, we aren't even able to give him the right reaction. He will continue to give whether I give him enough back or not. That's almost way laying down my life is yes a "big deal" but not really when you look at everything he has done for me since the beginning of time (He is still the same God). To give God my life is a big deal to me because it is all I have to give in full, but when I look at how big God is and all that he has done all of a sudden my life doesn't seem big enough to give him for my thankfulness. The beautiful truth of God is that he doesn't look at the size or amount we give but he looks at what it means for us to give it and our heart behind it. So I am okay that my life isn't anything out of the ordinary because it is my heart that is willing to be changed into anything that he wants it to be. Jesus did way more then we will ever be faced with but the simplicity of his heart is that he loved his father enough to die and give us eternal life - NOW that is an act of love I don't deserve, but I have gotten it anyways.

How am I now going to respect what Jesus did (in all the ways he lived and suffered by) in my life today? I am going to give him the only thing I will have forever - my life.

Jeremiah

Week of Jeremiah

Coming into this week was a bit overwhelming for a few reasons, first considering the week of Esther that I was just getting out of, and second the book is flipping huge - but honestly I knew that God was up to something huge.

We were able to get an amazing speaker who’s name is Ron Smith he is actually the man who started SBS (School of Biblical Study 9 month). So to say the least we were honoured to have as our speaker for two days. I think it is safe to say that Jeremiah could be my favourite book that I studied because of the relationship that God has with Jeremiah and the Heart of God that comes through this book – it is beautiful. Out of everything the first chapter in the book is AMAZING (look it up after you have read this!) but it just talks about how God is going to use Jeremiah in ways WAY bigger then him and that he has had this plan over his life from the very beginning it has just come to the moment for Jeremiah to choose it. I wont get into the context of the book but it is such a beautiful journey that God takes him on. Of course it is hard, who ever said that living God’s will was going to be easy? It should never be easy. I love the realness of this story and the obedience of Jeremiah; he just lays it out so clearly with how we should be living if we are living for God -> obey what he says NO matter what.

Okay so pretty much the big news that God spoke to me this weeks has something to do with me staying Australia. Now I feel like I need to say something… I’m not just staying on staff because there is nothing else for me to do and that this is an easy out for me to just “hang out” the only reason I am staying is because God has called me to (just need to get that out there). Anyways early on in the week the base director had talked to me about this café that is being built and his dream/vision about it, which was really good and put a heavy thought of staying to staff on my mind. That same day Jonathan (my school leader) and I had a talk about (what I thought) my life J, which I guess in a sense, is true but just not what I was expecting. He ended up asking me to stay on staff with the BCC bringing in my strength in interpretation and application of scripture; this also includes a two-year commitment – crazy. Honestly I was not okay with the thought of this at first but the more is started seeking God in the matter I started realizing that I had a lot of fear in trusting God with something so huge. But that is where the beauty of the book of Jeremiah came in; God spoke in such a huge clear way – living a life set apart and obeying the voice of God, even if it feels to big or crazy. God has spoken so much to me through Jeremiah because even with how young he was and how God doesn’t see that as a hindrance. I mean it has always been hard for me being the youngest in my family, I have loved it but I have also felt the aspect of not overly taken seriously or sometimes heard loudly because I am the baby in everyone’s mind – which is totally fine, I guess at times when a big challenge is placed in front of me my thought/mind goes to not being good enough because I am too young. But honestly when it says “But the Lord said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am only a child.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you.” Jer 1:7 and then in v19 “They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you.” BAH so flipping encouraging and beautiful – why would we NOT what to serve and do what ever God is saying. I don’t understand why we get so caught up on our own selfish wants and fully lose the sight of God’s will in our lives. I like to think about God’s call in this way; he has this amazing plan A that he has been working on and perfecting forever and certain moments in our lives he faces us with the choice to follow his plan or our own. But the fact is when we pick ours over his that changes God’s perfect plan from pretty much plan A to now plan B because we didn’t follow him. I want to live God’s plan A in my life, even looking back through out the Old Testament all we see is people turning their backs on God while he cries out to them to turn back to him! Oh my gosh it hurts my heart still as I think back on it, why do we put him through so much. I’m not saying that I am ultra Christian but some how, anyway that I can I want to give God “a break” to try my hardest to let my life not be another life that turns away from him always making him run after me. My whole desire in life is to serve God with not half of my heart but with my whole life, I am not going to give the minimum one-tenth of my life that he is asking for but I will give it all to him, and if that means stay in Australia when I would way rather run away from it then staying it is.

He has called us to be Holy - set apart and with that comes fear of the Lord which is so simple put love what God love and hate what God hate. I am overwhelmed with what God is doing in my life and sometimes I'm scared to even move but he keeps reminding me (at least trying to - I might not always listen) that as long as I have my eyes focused on him I will be okay.

The life changing week of Esther

So I am unsure how to begin sharing about what God has spoken to me and given me through studying this book - could be a bit of a long blog (just keep reading its worth it)...

My teacher Jonathan on day during worship prayed for me and kept getting the word Esther, and how she (and all the other girls) went through that 12 months of beauty treatment preparing to see the king and how it was build up to see him. So what he was getting at was that the first few weeks of this bible corse was my "beauty treatment" (aka. getting my heart prepared) to receive what God had in store for me. Now I didn't know what that really meant or how to apply it to my life / relationship with God, I have been having a really hard time finding that intimate relationship with God ever since this school started. I am able to get really amazing revelations from each book that we study and I felt myself getting closer to God's heart every week but still throughout the weeks I felt something lacking or at least that is what I though it was. In the back of my mind I knew that something big was going to happen in Esther week, I just really felt like God was going to show up... he did.

So I am just going to go for it with trying to explain what God did, this is a really big deal for me and it is my heart that sharing but I feel that it is important to tell you because it plays a big part into what God has called me into which I will explain more in the next blog about Jeremiah.

Our speaker for the week was an amazing staff member named Helen, she started off talking a bit about her life and how God has moved. The point that she was trying to make really clear through her life is that God is the author of our lives, that he is the one orchestrating how situations can play out. She talked about how her parents met and that it was more then a coincidence, she talked also about how both of her parents have passed away and she went into a bit of detail about being able to talk to her dad while he was on his death bed which of course lead me to think about "what if I was able to talk to my dad before he died" and I started to feel myself getting upset so I tried to put up the wall against it (as I do when it gets to hard) but it wasn't working this time, so I just got angry and bitter. I went through the rest of the day bitter and frustrated and right after lunch I was able to talk to my my cousin Kayla (she just saves my life here and there!) and as we talked I started to see slash understand that a) I was upset about my dad b) a lot was going on, which tends to get overwhelming. We talked about everything that I was feeling (dad and school) and I left the conversation feeling good (watched a little dane cook and it was all better!!). Then feeling like I could get through the day my teacher went through a test that I wrote the week before and I did worse then I thought (not bad just not as good as I thought) but honestly after that it pushed my over the edge again, realizing that I was good at nothing - I could hardly make it out of the class room before I broke down and cried (the "can't breath" kind of crying) so I took off the the prayer room and it felt like I couldn't even keep myself together, I was so mad at God for bringing this up but so broken at the same time. The only thought that was truly going through my mind was this is so inappropriate and I just couldn't understand why God was bringing up my dad in such a intense way.

I have this routine with this situation in my life (my dad stuff), I get upset break down, allow God in and talk it out with him for a bit but then kind of just get over it and move on. There are times that it is more powerful then others, but honestly I try not to go there too often because it is to hard. However God was taking it to a whole new level this time, asking me to go into detail about why I was so upset. I wasn't understanding why he was doing this, I mean of course I'm upset my dad died and I will never have an earthly father (not that it has ever felt like I had had one, cause I was so young), yet God kept pushing asking me what I was upset about. As I started to think about that I started to realize why it is so hard for me, I have know idea who my father as the man Bradley was, I know nothing about his character. As I am getting more upset God is saying ask me - what do you want to know? So I just started writing anything I could think of, I could tell you all about my mom the details of who she is on many different levels (of course she is my mom!) but I have nothing that I could tell you about my dad, and that kills me. So I just wrote every question about him that I had down and ended up with a page (each line full) of questions ranging from; how did he take is coffee? To how did he find the strength to say good-bye to his wife and kids telling his ten year old son that he was going to be the man of the family and still love you?

I sat there with this piece of paper with the questions of the details of my dads character, I knew that God wasn't done with me yet but I wasn't sure what to do so I went on with my day (at least I tried) but it was like I was still sitting in what God was doing and in what had just happened. Going into the next day (tuesday!) our speaker got us to write down the moments in our lives where God was orchestrating it, this is how it went for me (the revelation God gave me); my dad and mom get married and move to Calgary from Ontario only because my dad was the one who needed work ~ the reason the moved across the country = dad. In Calgary the pull up to a set of red lights looking over the city and my dad sees the beauty it and decides that is where he wants to live ~ place where we lived = dad. My dad builds our house and meets the man who lives across the street and he ends up bring my dad to the Lord who then lead my mom the Lord (which then we were all born into it) ~ the way God was lead into our lives = dad. The impact of my dads death on my family is huge, we have been able to see God provide for all of us, but in my life it has truly made me who I am today ~ my relationship with God = dad. I was never able to see the reason or how God was going to "use" this in my life/at all, but this all of a sudden put in together in a away that I had never seen before. The purpose of my dads life in the Kingdom of God was fulfilled in the lives of his family, for me (the only account i am able to speak on) the impact of my dad has yes made me into the person I am today, but even more then that it has shaped me into the woman of God that I am becoming. I don't think I am truly able to explain the sensitivity of my heart towards my heart and even God, I am passionate, loving, caring, excited about life, and many other heart lead things but this all leads out of a heart that has been broken and mended back together through the love of Christ.

As God started pointing out certain characteristics in me but mostly in my relationship with him, long story short he said When I see you and your heart towards me, I see your fathers heart pretty much meaning that my relationship with God coincides with my dads relationship with him when he was alive. I use to get so mad at God all the time when I was younger, all I wanted was a moment with my dad, it didn't matter in a dream or whatever else that is what I longed for as child. I would go to bed thinking so hard about my dad just hoping that if I thought about him before I went to bed I might just dream about him - it never happened. I would get more angry with God because he left me with nothing to hold when missing my dad got to much, everyone else at least had more then 5 memories (lasting only a second each, and 3 or which are when he was dying) I would tell God that it just wasn't good enough - I needed more. Well he gave me more, he has brought my dad and I back together under the call of his Kingdom, God had this huge plan for my dad if there was no sickness but since that is what happened my dad was only able to take his call (in living for God/his kingdom) so far. That is where I am able to come in, because my relationship with God is so much like my fathers relationship it is now like I can pick up where he left off - not in a physical way but in a spiritual way, in serving the Kingdom. My dad would have been someone relatable and easy to talk with, he was a carpenter-he was simple and real but most importantly in love with God. That is what I want out of my life, so I am honored and overwhelmed at the opportunity to step out into this calling and I will give it the respect that both God and now also my father deserves .

I know that this was long and I'm not sure if my heart has been able to come across the way I want it to, it is just such a hard topic/story to explain over writing. But pretty much Esther was a huge week for me and little did I know that God was only getting started....